The New Zealand immigration department today issued a stark warning to the government and citizens of New Zealand about a looming Immigration time bomb. “New Zealand citizens need to wake up and smell the volcano, our very way of life is being threatened here” said its head, Atara Jones. These warnings come after a dramatic rise in NZ visa applications, up 600% this year alone with a record 7 people now applying to visit New Zealand in 2008. “We’ve never seen anything like this, we’ve had to increase staffing, from zero to me, to have time to answer all the query coming in every day.

Rad-ish set out to survey a representative subset of the New Zealand population to find out what they thought about this deluge of international arrivals. Locals like sheep farmer Winston TiraKahurangi who said “Close the borders. Close the bloody borders I say! After all these immigrants are just trying to come in and take jobs away from hard working New Zealand sheep, who just try to get a little work growing wool to sell to support their families.”

It’s been suggested that immigration might have some positive effects on New Zealand culture, bringing in fresh ideas and cultural backgrounds. Not everyone agrees however, “Well thats all well and good but what have they got that we need? I think we can live quite happily without an efficient transport network, Broadband and Cherry Coke thank you very much. It’s not exactly been a non-stop New Years Eve party the last few hundreds years and thats just been keeping the peace between the British and Mauris’. Give me a melting thimble, over a melting pot any day I say” said one anonymous NZ citizen.

“I’m not sure why they want to come here anyway? I mean it’s not that great is it? Gone are the days when you could swap a pint of milk for a two bedroom house. These days houses can cost thousands, literally thousands of New Zealand pesos” added a immigration department press conference attendee. (note: at time of publishing $1000nzp was equal to $12 US)

Transport is also likely to be effected warned the New Zealand Transport Secretary Graham Wells, “gone are the good old days when you could cruise around empty bays, parking or building a house wherever you wanted, getting right up close to the sublime, breathtaking scenery that’s naturally spread across New Zealand like a particularly nasty rash. Those days are over. Some people are now reporting work commutes totaling…minutes, not just a few like the old days but right up there in the high teens, such as 16 or 17 minutes, and thats each way, each way yeah, make sure you quote that”.

In other news, New Zealanders begin work on construction of a “wicker man”, which will apparently be used in what’s being a described as a “very elaborate” welcoming ceremony for any foreigners that do make it past immigration.

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