It was a sad day for the nation today as renowned daytime TV personality and former d list celebrity Mr Motivator hung up his leotard for the last time. Citing that he had “lost the motivation to be a motivator”, he began his rather quick descent down to the graveyard of former daytime TV stars.

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“People think its really easy to do what I do” he said stating the fricking obvious “do you think its easy to get up everyday, dress in a gnats toothpick to help people through their problems armed with nothing but optimism, well its not!” “Somedays you want to say no, sorry, I’m staying in bed eating caramel chew chew and watching brainteaser” he added.

Star of self-help video’s such as “Mr Motivators clap yourself thin” and “beat it with the beat” the beloved star was one of the last bastions of wholesome values and good old fashioned get up and go. “These days kids want to stay in doors, chatting with their virtual friends on micespace”, “it wasn’t like that in my day, we had no micespace, if the sun was in the sky and the day ended in y we were happy as larry”, “now its all interweb this, interface that, there no room from old Mr M anymore, oh no”.

Its unknown who will step up to fill the considerable hole left in the nations daily TV diet, perhaps a younger and slightly more motivator motivator. Mr Motivator seemed unsure “yeah they’ll be others, lets see how they do, give a few years they’ll be broken men, rich, but broken men. When responding to the allegation that this early retirement was nothing but a publicity stuff for his biography “I came, I saw, I motivated” he was quick to add “publicity stunt? you think I want to spend another minute amongst you depressing people?”. When asked if anything could lure him back from retirement he added “yeah, its got seven figures and its not my phone number”.

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