A formal request was filed this week with the American Competition Commission to investigate a reported “American monopoly on satire” by the European Comedy Writers Guild. The Competitions Commission is the body responsible for….

investigating whether markets have become unfairly non-competitive through monopolistic practices. Recently it enforced a $777777777bn dollar settlement with Microsoft, an amount founder Bill Gates referred to as “chump change”. Danny Hugh spokesperson for the Guild had this to say “We, the hardworking satire writers of Europe are tired of the current comedy conditions in which we are forced to work”. He added “We’re trying to make a living, turning up every day looking for things to satire, but any thing we can think of which isn’t working, that we might possible be able to parody, they messed up a 100x times worse.” The Guild claim that this has resulted in the inability to successfully satire European specific issues, as readers have become immune with a “oh well, it could be worse, it could be America” mindset said Danny.

The Guild has reported a steady trend of comedy writers moving over to the US, rad-ish spoke with another comedian Stevey Blinker on this issue “oh yeah its becoming more and more common. Europe’s a comedy desert, over hear its practically raining satirability”. The European Comedy Writers have reacted to this by staging a Europe wide strike, “no satire will be produced until things change” said one protester “sure we could just continue mocking the Americans but its a bit like mocking the fat kid in the class, its fun, but soon you long for the challenge of mocking someone who might actually be able to catch you.” he added.

Its unclear how this stalemate will be resolved, and what Europe will read in newspapers or watch on tv without satire, additional episodes of popular soap operas were scheduled before it was confirmed that they to must be satire as “nothing that shit can be genuine, right?” a picket line onlooker asked. “Gay rights, immigration, religion, globalisation, global warming, George Bush, its a satire mardi gras. In these current conditions we are unable to compete and our livelihoods are threatened, something must be changed.”

*Rad-ish is of course unaffected by the strike as all you read here is 100% wholesome accurate news, just like your mumma used to bake.

Bookmark It