God Moves Into Microcosm
Fed up with managing the universe, God yesterday announced plans to ultimately move into microcosm. Thus, a spokesperson from the vatican claimed, he could reduce his carbon footprint by close to 100%. The decision comes as a surprise to intelligent large-scale life everywhere, as it is feared macrocosmic environments might be randomized at best, cut off from power, or even completely exterminated at worst.
At a Palo Alto press conference sponsored by Google, God explained why his time had come to say good-bye to the world at large. ‚Have you ever governed a universe? I dare say you haven’t, for if you had you would most certainly stop staring at me in this impudent display of ignorance and disbelief! I am not saying I hate my job, mark you. The task of overseeing some 100 billion galaxies including voids, gases, particles and waves of unruly anti-matter is undeniably fun. Let us say I suffer from some major burn-out after 14 billion years of service. And as I don’t stand a chance of promotion, demotion or transferral, as you will readily acknowledge, life can become pretty boring for aeons on end. Talking of physical pains, lately, when I wake up at my master console, I feel kind of cold and mountainous in my back. Even 1022 Tylenol won’t help. And that is exactly what I am talking about. When you confront bullshit on earth, it is just bullshit all right. But up here, the same bullshit means bullshit22, which is bullshit multiplied by 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.’
Continued God, ‘My feet get caught in black holes all he time, my fingers burned by sizzling red hot giants. I say I have had my share of lonely omnipotence. That is why I am looking for a nice warm and snug place inside microcosm right now, for I plan to rule over my wonderful little creation from within! Added God ‚any neutrons looking for an adaptable atom mate may contact me immediately’.
When asked how he was to bring about the proposed relocation, God remained taciturn. Speculation was rife, however, when reporters discovered he had placed a bit for a Vorwerk Kobold 127 Vacuum Cleaner on Ebay, prompting particle phyisicist Ami Fleischmann to ask ‚Will he suck us all up?’
