Germany Hires Spin Doctor to Improve Its Image
Germany has decided to improve on its devastating international image after a recent study has confirmed no one likes it. Germancorp CEO Angela Merkel announced yesterday that ‚in order for Germany to rejoin the VIP Club of cultured rich nations professional support is imperative’. Spin Doctors worldwide can pitch for the job now.
The decision comes close on the heels of the latest poll by the International Cliche Agency revealing a historic low for German likability indices and tourist turn-out. ICA spokesman Witherspoon summed up German shortcomings at a press conference following release of the survey. ‚Want to go to a place where most historic sites are monuments of mass destruction? Where the weather is unreliable but traffic police are not? And where normal speech is perceived as an insult just because of its ear-rending phonetics? Neither does the world. Excepting the Japanese.’ Among the major detracting factors that continue to injure Germany’s reputation Witherspoon cited certain historic developments. ‚Our results show that having mustachioed dictators and bureaucratic sadists for figureheads clearly harms a country’s rep. For although little is known in point of fact about German history the imagery of a period called Third Reich seems so sticky and infectious nothing to date has managed to replace it. In fact, ever since Colonel Vogel ingeniously tortured archaeologist Indy on ‚Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade’ Nazi evil-doers have become a Hollywood staple. The world needs Germany as a reservoir of historic evil - and a yardstick for what can go wrong with people on a national scale’
German civil rights organizations endorse Merkel’s decision. Says Kathrin von Hellmig of ‚Mensch Meier’ ‚Bombarding students with tons of history lessons and showing the same films of concentration camps over and over again have finally proved effective. Having become the fault-finding and joyless lot that we are we should now focus on displaying our natural charms. Like exactitude, Schadenfreude and Stolidity.’ Added pub analyst Horst Jannowitz ‚no-one should be branded as unfriendly just because their fathers triggered a war that cost 50 million lives now should they! And remember, without Hitler there would be no Autobahns. Prost!’
