Rebel German words threaten to break loose from the dictionary and eventually conquer it. „We Germans hereby declare war on the Herrschaft of the American Zeitgeist in our gemutlich Worterbuch“ said rebel leader professor Glockenspiel, before two hundred of his followers on page 966. „I swear: Dreck and Schmutz await our enemies!

We will strafe and blitz anyone who cannot say Fahrvergnugen with an Umlaut, den Schweinhund! Rottweiler, brave dog, komm her! Ah Flak it“ Glockenspiel added, starting a Schuhplattler detailing his Weltanschauung and leaving roughly one million words within earshot in consternation and fear.

A spokes column of Merriam Webster’s Dictionary asked the international word community for help: „It’s worse than we thought. The Germans have taken over pp 962-992 in the vicinity of Glockenspiel’s home. Racial laws are ruthlessly enforced on all German occupied pages, mixed etymologies persecuted. Bands of German Compounds terrify their peers, all mobilized, panzered and ready to go. Prisoner words are already being forced to wear capital letters at their beginning, as is customary in German. After hundreds of years of peaceful co-existing, the Germans now want the Weltherrschaft. Please send us help, to counter this Vernichtungsgedanke and Grossenwahn. Above all, save us from German Witzelsucht!“

Meanwhile, the United States Government have urged people to stay clear of German words until things are under control again. President Bush this morning admonished a rattled nation: „We are no Ubermensch or Meister, but we shall not have any more of this Ersatz Kindergarten! Americans, stop the Volkerwanderung - now. Do not use German words.“

As of press time, Professor Glockenspiel was not available for comment. He was last seen on the Hinterland of his Meerschaum Pfeife on page 966, smoking, but looking not very relaxed, sources from neighboring pages say.

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