Americans Reimagine World UNESCO Educational Study Shows
Americans are the most creative students of history, a recent UNESCO survey indicates. While failing to impress with actual factual knowledge, replies given showed a wide variety of ingeniously rearranged world facts. Thus, the Chinese Wall was variously believed to be
A) Pink Floyd’s East Asian Tour
B) separating East China from West China
C) separating China from Europe
D) an expensive New York style of architecture
The question „What is the Cold War?“ yielded the following answers:
A) Ben and Jerry’s battle with Haagen Dazs triggered by the former’s introduction of WWanilla II icecream
B) Southpole sponsored MC battle
C) Ice age conflicts of survival
D) my marriage
.
Adolf Hitler was believed to be
A) Current Chancellor of Greater Germany
B) A character in Warcraft
C) that dude on the NRA forum
D) right-wing presidential candidate
Napoleon was said to be
A) the name of Hitler’s dog
B) a brand of dog food
C) the smallest man alive
Julius Cesar was held to be
A) inventor of creamy salad dressing
B) a brand of dog food
C) that gay Italian down at the icecream parlor
Charlemagne was held to be
A) Current French president
B) a brand of dog food
C) that gay Frenchie down at the cocktail bar
The question „What do Muslims believe in?“ yielded the replies
A) they get to be virgins when they abduct planes
B) homevideos of poor quality
C) encrypting their language in Arabic sounds
What is Australia?
A) Californian surf brand
B) tiny mountain country in Europe
C) the part of the Universal Studios lot in which hitchhiker horror movies are shot
What is the Sophoclean tragedy protagonists’ recurrent in pectore trilemma?
A) German
B) A Brand of Dog food
C) the intrinsic and irresolvable conflict between state obeisance, family loyalty and personal honor leading to ultimately self-destructive patterns of behavior
On publication of the results, Unesco Director-General Koïchiro Matsuura lauded the U.S. as the history innovation leader. Americans were unavailable for comments watching television.
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